Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Meeting Me

During my walk home today I realized that I am a really awkward and shy person. I avoided eye contact with everyone that walked past me and I even walked a different route home today because I saw people I have never seen before down the path of my usual way. Those who know me will probably disagree saying I'm really outgoing but the truth is that I never meet anyone directly. I make friends and know people through other people and, if you backtrack long enough, you'll find that the people that starts this off are my parents. They will introduce me to someone who will then introduce me to someone else. Occasionally, like during school and lessons, I will make friends with the people I'm forced to sit next to. Usually, I just sit there quietly and avoid eye contact as much as I can. The more someone gets to know me, the more insane I become around them.

Anyway, as I was walking past people, I was pulling on my sleeves, playing with my bag and constantly checking my phone; the usual signs of nervousness and the common ways to distance yourself from other people (I looked it up). Most of the time, whenever I have a long sleeved top on, I will bite the sleeve's ends until holes form. I don't know why but it's turned into a really bad habit. I know this blog is not that popular and most of the people that read this are across the ocean in America but, if there ever does come a time where you see me, which is unlikely because I haven't really given a clear picture of what I look like, then you're going to have to make the approach in the least intimidating way possible - don't run towards me. If I ignore you then sorry but I really don't like talking to new people. I can barely manage in keeping up with the friends I have now.

However, on camera, I am not as shy. I'm probably labelled "vain" by every person who has got me on Facebook. This doesn't mean that I'm confident. No way. In my opinion, it just means that I want to look good and make a good enough first impression. I can't take "funny" pictures with my tongue sticking out to the side, or doing a weird pose; a simple smile is all I can manage.

Two exams done, thirteen more to go.

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