Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Don't Force Yourself To Be Happy

I am one of those people that tries their hardest to stay positive and happy. I really don't like seeing other people upset but who does?

When you're happy, you feel like you can do anything and everything. It's a nice feeling but, unfortunately, it doesn't stay. There are days where I just want to give up and sleep - I'm sure I'm not the only one. Everyone breaks down at some point in their lives and that's OK. Just know that, when you're crying and upset, there's a bigger emotional wreck on the planet - me.

When I was around 14, I had the same ideas about happiness as most 14 year olds do - I felt like I needed to wear certain clothes, fit in and have lots of friends and a boyfriend to be happy - when I didn't have any of those things, I was sad and depressed. The pressure to fit in and be like everyone else was too much and I had to do some serious self-evaluation over the summer.

I started with breaking up with my boyfriend at that time - he smoked which, to me, is a big turn off. Also, I was only with him because I felt like a relationship is something that I absolutely needed. We were fine as friends and we were pretty close. But, with the way he is now, I certainly don't want to be friends with him ever again... I kind of blame myself for how he is now - I was his first girlfriend and I dumped him without offering a reason. I haven't talked to him since. Now, he's drinking and smoking his life away. I guess, since it wasn't my first relationship, I forgot to consider the effect it would have on him. When I first broke up with someone, I felt like I was dying. You never really get over it completely.

After that summer, the group of people I hung out with slowly separated and I was left with around 5 people. I know that's not a big number but it was enough. They were the people I genuinely cared about and I was a lot happier with them than with the bigger group we had before.

In Year 10, everyone was drinking alcohol at parties and at home. Of course, being the person that I was, I did too. Pressure from my parents and friends to be someone they wanted me to be was overwhelming at this point so I drank my problems away - I'm not talking about loads and loads of beer. I never had more than three bottles during this time. I also had another relationship crisis with one of my friends. That, in the end, actually turned out OK. We're still really close and we still talk to each other. We're both in relationships now and we're really comfortable around each other - he's the one who encouraged me to date the guy I'm with now (who is one of his best friends) and encouraged him to ask me out.

The relationship I'm in now is probably the best thing to ever happen to me. At first, I didn't think this would last (just being honest) because I've never thought of him as the type of guy who'd actually make a good boyfriend. I seriously deny that now. I have someone I can talk to, I've stopped hurting myself, I feel like it's fine to be the weirdo that I am and, most importantly, I feel safe. I've known him since I was 7 and we've been friends since then; we were never close until the middle of Year 10 and he was a lot shorter than me. Now, thanks to the growth spurt that he had last year, I'm a lot shorter than him.

So, don't force yourself to be happy. This doesn't mean that you can sit back and wait for happiness to come - you still have to work for it. Happiness might not be in the most obvious places. For me, being happy came from the people around me and not the alcohol, clothes and popularity that I thought I needed. I still drink now but never to the point where I throw up. I don't consider beer to be such a bad thing - you just have to be aware of how much you're having.

There are still days where I feel like giving up. I don't want every single day of my life to be a good day. To be honest, I think that's the worst thing that can happen to anyone - if you're happy every single day, you'll forget what sadness feels like. You'll lose your sympathy for other people. Just because you're happy all of the time doesn't mean that everyone else is.

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