Monday, 13 January 2014

I'm Just A Clingy Person

There are some things that I've grown way too overly attached to. Two of them being my new feather earring and my art coursework. I'm proud of my work and I don't want to lose any of it. Ever. I'm actually dreading the end of my AS Art coursework when I have to give my books to the examiners to be marked. I hate it when my friends touch my books without permission; I don't want to think about someone I don't know touching them.

In English today, we were reading a play and focused on one of the characters. About halfway through the lesson I realized that I am exactly like that character. I am a clingy person, I can't really say otherwise. Once I have made an attachment to something, I will not let go. It's the same with both my stuff and people I know. I hate being alone and feeling vulnerable.

I have a little box in my mind (I'm not crazy, I swear) that's just filled with stuff that I don't want to lose. There are names, places, objects, things I don't want to forget. It works like a piggybank. Once you're in the box, there's no getting out unless, of course, you break it. If you truly know me then you know I'm the most fragile person in the world. There's no hiding it. My emotions can go from :-D to :'-( (this is the best way to describe it) in less that 2 seconds. Whenever something breaks out of my little box, I go nuts.

A few years ago some friends that I met went to back to the Philippines because their parents thought it would be best for them. They both have Facebook (thank the heavens) so I could still keep in contact with them. They were in my little box for a really long time - I've known them since Year 2 - and they just broke out without warning. They cried, I nearly did. After a while, I kind of accepted that they were gone and we did talk but it was once every few weeks or so. Then, two years ago, they came back! I was the happiest person in the world back then. Our friendship got so much stronger. I can admit that we don't talk all of the time but, when we do, there's no stopping us. We'll joke, annoy each other and take 250 selfies every hour we're together.

I find it so difficult to accept change. Just like the character in the play, I would do anything to make sure that things stay the way they were, even if I have no power to do so. Life is hard and, sometimes, it gets on my nerves. I do have more self-control now, though. I can stop myself from exploding 9 out of 10 times.

Hopefully, I'll learn. If not, I have friends that can put up with me. They already do and I hope that they continue to do so. *Fingers crossed*

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